*can be found wandering around training salle 7-B working on his Makeshi*

There's another Master Yoda. As if things weren't blood confusing enough. The other one doesn't seem nearly as...er...special as my Master. I hope he doesn't catch on to me. I've really got to step up my plans for Galactic Domination. I'm doing a totally crap job. And now there are two fucking Anakin Skywalkers too! Damn it! Must kill them both now. Such a drag!
________________
Revenge Plans: Non-existent. I've lost focus.

Galactic Domination Plans: Must kill Anakin Skywalker. *cackles madly*

WD-40 cocktails: Not nearly enough to get me through the day.

Menial Lowly Tasks Completed for Bastard Jedi: Recently had to go take a blood sample from Chancellor Palpatine with that prick Windu. My dome is far shinier than his. Mwa ha ha ha!

( Secret Droid Diary Written in Binary )

*rolls down the hallway, singing Sex Pistols songs ((because they exist in SW universe too <.<)) on his way to training with Master Yoda*

*dome falls off*

SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

ANAKIN!!!!!!

*rolls off in search of Anakin with murderous intent*

I swear on all that is sacred and sacrilegious that if I hear one more woe story about rocks, Masters, Padawans, insanity, and/or dark siding plants, I'll go insane.

I don't remember half of the things I'm meant to have done. The fuckers. What I do know is that someone is going to pay for my wheel!

In other news, I've stolen my roboclaw back from Qui-Gon ((Artoo is a sneaky fucker)). With it I plan on having a bit of fun. learning all I can from Master Yoda's Youngling class.

Ugh...Master Yoda's Youngling Class. Don't even get me started on that. That little Mon Calamari keeps making fun of me. Keeps calling me the "One-armed Trashcan". Droids have feelings too, you know. Ok, well no that's actually wrong. But we can simulate feelings anyway. Like right now I'm simulating being really pissed off!

My newest chip to be installed is meant to be a sense of humor chip. I thought this would be helpful as I've already installed my Sarcasm chip and many times sarcasm and sense of humor seem to work hand in hand. Unfortunately, the previous chip I installed (Pride) has got me down because of the tauntings of the Mon Calamari kid. I'm sure name-calling is the path to the dark side.

Anyway, at least I have my roboclaw to have fun with.

______

Revenge Plans: Have been busy with my roboclaw. Put a stink bomb in one of the Palpatines' office. It's a mechanical one that goes off every 3 hours. Heh heh heh. Watered Master Windu's dark side Corellian Fly Trap with Miracle Grow hoping that it grows big enough to eat him. Rewired all the starfighters that I wouldn't be flying in. They now do a tail spin instead of a gentle hover. And finally, have nicked all of Anakin's porn...even the sketchy homemade Obi-Wan-staring porn. Will give that one to Qui-Gon as I reckon he'll enjoy it.

Galactic Domination Plans: The Jedi have all seemed to come back to life. Bloody hell. That's just more people obstructing my path. But at least my new weapon has finally been delivered. Tried it on one of Master Yoda's plants. It caught fire...so I put it out and ran away. Hopefully he won't notice.

WD-40 cocktails: 12: 4 for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Wow, I'm gonna feel this tomorrow. Note to self: Take advantage of Master Yoda's extra long nap time mediation to recharge self a bit.

Menial lowly tasks completed for bastard Jedi: Had to shock Obi-Wan to life. This did not work but it was actually quite enjoyable. And it was a task completed for Qui-Gon, not a bastard Jedi. Also had to get tea for Master Windu and Knight Siri. Should have spiked it really. Hindsight is always 20/20.

*bleeps confusedly then goes back to whatever he was doing before he got confused at the amount of dead Jedi around the place recently*

So, I finally got my roboclaw through the mail. Yay for me. Attached it and am finding it very useful for a load of things I didn't know I wanted to do with my hand that I never had till today. Most usefully, I suppose I is that I can now wield a lightsaber. So....I'm going to go to Master Yoda's class and block things with it that try to zap me. The Force should be incredibly useless to me in this as I can just scan the area for electric currents and therefore tell that something is going to zap me. Anyway.

So, anyway...Obi-Wan to the second power seems to have died. This is rather unfortunate as I was beginning to enjoy trying to sabotage his starfighter. Also, the recently revived Qui-Gon Jinn seems to have passed away as well in that moment when I blinked. This is also unfortunate as...I like him...er...well...at least I liked him well enough considering he's a Jedi. Siri seems to be upset by all this, dunno why though. Meh...Maybe I should try stealing someone's body like Qui-Gon did. Will meditate on this for a while...expect that it's probably considered "dark side-y" to steal bodies.

Have decided to constantly go around in Record mode...just in case. So far all I've managed to capture is Master Windu tending his plants.

Still don't know who took my wheel but I've ordered a new one from the manufacturer. Hopefully it won't take as along as my other attachment is taking. Still it's got through customs now, it's just a matter of waiting for the delivery.

EDIT: Have been instructed by dead, high ranking Jedi Master(i.e. Qui-Gon)to revive Obi-Wan. Attempts to electrocute him to life have thus far proved ineffective. Qui-Gon has taken my roboclaw and is holding it hostage. Seriously considering taking Obi-Wan to mediwing to get roboclaw back.

EDIT #2: Have taken Obi-Wan's body to medi-wing and hooked it up to random machines. Don't know what they are or if they'll be any help to him or not. I'm not a medical droid. Qui-Gon is still holding my roboclaw hostage. Bloody Jedi.

EDIT #3: I don't know when this picture was taken but I'm absolutely sure that I was drunk, otherwise I wouldn't let Obi-Wan touch me in such a...compromising way. Must find the person who took this and kill them!


______

Revenge Plans: Have analyzed my missing wheel bit and have determined that it was severed by a lightsaber. This is very perturbing to me as that implies either a Sith or a Jedi nicked it. Bloody Force-users anyway.

Galactic Domination Plans: Since Jedi are dropping like flies round here, my path to Galactic Domination may be an easier road than I anticipated. Yay for me!

WD-40 cocktails: 1. Since most the Jedi are either out on the Outer Rim avoiding Master Windu, dead, or AWOL, I've not really needed to drink myself into oblivion.

Menial lowly tasks completed for bastard Jedi: None recently. Am hoping I don't get put in charge of corpse removal.

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )

So..right. Where to begin?

I seem to be missing a few hours days of memory. I'm not sure how this occurred but I imagine it was Anakin's fault so I'm blaming him. I'm surprised the little brat even knew how to erase my memory. I always tell everyone that crap about having to contact the Droid manufacturer to erase my memory so that other people don't do it. I wonder how he figured out I was lieing. Bloody Anakin.

And to add to that, I've lost a wheel somehow. Obi-Wan seems to know about it, but he's less than forthcoming. Fucking pansy. I swear if he's somehow responsible for my lost wheel I'll wipe that stupid handsome smirk off his face. Also, apparently during this memory lapse I had hostility to Qui-Gon. Now, this I don't understand. He's the only respectable Jedi in the Temple...other than Master Yoda. Something doesn't add up. I'm very confused.

Bloody Anakin!

In other more happy news, I've ordered my roboclaw. Soon I'll be able to wield a lightsaber. Yay!




*goes off to order a new wheel, better ammunition, and more WD-40*

______

Revenge Plans: Must find out who took my wheel. Once I do, I'm going to find some fuel and a match and torch the fucker into oblivion. The end.

Galactic Domination Plans: Anakin has disappeared. This is good news for my Galactic Domination plans but bad news for my "make Anakin suffer" campaign.

WD-40 cocktails: 0 Though my self-diagnostic says otherwise. I feel like I've been dropped on my dome out of the Jedi Council chambers.

Menial lowly tasks completed for bastard Jedi: I fear this will be a regular occurance since I've been made a Padawan by Master Yoda. Fortunately all I've been asked to do really is be patient, get a training saber, meditate, and be inconspicuous. Not too bad, all things considered.

Master Yoda has made me his Padawan. I am very honored and am sure to become a great Jedi with his teachings. Must go get that training saber. I hope it's blue. Then it'll match my paint job. After I'm trained in the ways of the Force I'll be able to take down anyone who gets in my path for galactic domination help purge the galaxy of evil and bring justice to all. Yay....

Apparently, at some point in time, I became Obi-Wan Kenobi's personal shrink. Or probably, knowing his sensitivity for droids' plight, his endless supply of handkerchiefs. *shakes dome sadly* Well, one good thing comes of it. I thought I was a bit messed up...you know...mentally from one too many lasers to the old neural network...but..damn...Kenobi has some unresolved issues. Am actually a bit worried though that he's going to tear out my sarcasm chip. That thing cost me a small fortune.

Still in search of some good quality sparkles and/or glitter for my dome. Don't think Boba likes me anymore so I may have to get some from that Aurra chick. She scares the microchips outta me.

Meh

______

Revenge Plans: Anakin seems to have disappeared. Will not be able to use my attachment even if the delivery droids get it to the right place.

Galactic Domination Plans: Have become a Jedi Padawan. I imagine Force training will be nothing but beneficial to taking over the galaxy.

WD-40 cocktails: None...may need one though after that angsty conversation with Kenobi about his ...issues.

Menial lowly tasks completed for bastard Jedi: Gave Kenobi an idea on revenge so he could deal with his...issues. Not sure if this counts as menial lowly task...but...I'm going to put it here anyway.

Have run into quite a few people in the last few days. Some of them I'm quite happy to see. Others...well.

Yoda seems to be a pretty interesting guy despite being a fecking Jedi . I suspect though that the tea he drinks is more whiskey than tea...or perhaps something slightly more hallucinogenic. Still, might be nice to collaborate with him on a "Jedi Gone Wild" holovid of some sorts. Figure we can make a killing with it.

"Fixed" one of the Obi-Wans starfighters. Not sure which one. Doesn't really matter. Found lots of lube in the cockpit. Not to mention the amount of hardcore gay pornography. But well, when you're fixing Obi-Wan Kenobi's starfighter, that's only to be expected.

Met an interesting guy named Boba...a shame about the name. Anyway, I'm going to keep him in mind for galaxy domination plans..since..he seems to know a lot about weapons. And..well, I'm a bit jealous of how sparkly he is. Note to self: Find a nice sparkly blue paint and repaint dome.

I suspect that Qui-Gon has stolen someone's body to use for...I'm not sure what. I do hope he asked whomever it was he stole it from first. He's such a nice guy for a Jedi and it would be a shame if someone got the wrong impression of him.

Am thinking of starting a group for the equal treatment of droids and stuff. I'll call it:
CFTETODAAOAI
Coalition For The Equal Treatment Of Droids, Astromechs And Other Artificial Intelligences

Hmmm..doesn't quite roll off the tongue...if I had one that is.

Ah well.

And apparently the Jedi aren't falling for the old Trashcan routine anymore. Damn it. Have to find a new inanimate object to imitate.

___
Revenge Plans: Have "fixed" Obi-Wan Kenobi's starfighter. Very anxious to see how it runs for him. New attachment for front hatch still stuck in customs. Might have to go to the Outer Rim myself and pick it up. Damn it all.

Galaxy Domination Plans: Met Vader. Who is or...was Anakin. I was right all along. Anakin DOES have galaxy domination plans. The brat. Hopefully I can get Yoda to make me a Jedi then I'll go cut off some more appendages and take over.

WD-40 cocktails: 6...Was slightly traumatized by what I saw in the cockpit of Kenobi's starfighter. Drinking to forget.

Menial lowly tasks completed for bastard Jedi: 1, As mentioned before, fixed Kenobi's starfighter.

Bah!

I hate everyone. Especially Anakin. He never asks if I want to go flying with him. Just takes me like I'm his damned dog!

Bah!

Jar Jar the frog man thinks I'm an ashtray. Bloody wanker! But that's ok...that's fine, I'm just biding my time. They all think "Oh, what a nice droid Artoo is, how brave and accomodating he is." Idiots, the lot of them. Still, I suppose being stuck with Frog boy, or Anakin is better than Threepio.

 ---
Revenge Plans: Currently having trouble getting that new attachment delivered from the Outer Rim. Apparently there's some kind of "lethal weapon" tax, and customs is being a bastard. Still, it'll be worth the wait if it can actually do what it says it will be able to do. I've got some scores to settle with a few Jedi.

Galaxy Domination Plans: Slight setback as I fear that Anakin has his own plans. Still, Anakin is pretty obvious, surely Kenobi will figure it out before long. And no one then will suspect the little innocent Automech droid.

WD-40 cocktails: Four....it's been a rough day and I don't like being used as an ashtray.

Menial lowly tasks completed for bastard Jedi: None....but the day is young. Damned Jedi anyway.